still learning to walk

A sleepy dog

2009-02-04T20:57:00.006-05:00

This is just really funny. We were watching a TV show and some how forgot our dog was waiting patiently to be thrown a toy. We looked over and he was doing this sleepy eye, hypnotic look. Luckily we got it again.. apparently he was very tired...... It is kinda dark but so funny.

Andrew Peterson

2008-12-04T23:10:00.002-05:00

About this time last year, my sister in law posted the video below. I loved it and downloaded the song Labor of Love by Jill Phillips. This year, John surprised me with tickets to the concert. It was amazing! If it is near you, go and see it. I cried pretty much the entire time.

Tonight was also a great night because we decide to sponsor our second child! Whoo Hoo! John has a little boy named Roger through World Vision and tonight we chose a little girl named Mersi through Compassion International. I say it like "mercy" and can not wait to send her a letter or a Christmas gift!.
I was thinking as the concert went on how joyful she and her family will be when they her the news that she is being sponsored.

I was not moved to tears to go and get a child out of guilt. I think I just understood it as an opportunity to use the finances we have been given to be obedient to Christ's command to serve the poor.

Some other highlights: We bought the the Behold the Lamb of God CD and we saw some good friends that had recently moved away.

Such a fun night! Enjoy the video.

Sustained by Sovereign Grace Forever

2007-10-19T14:18:00.000-04:00

Jeremiah 32:36-41
36 “Now therefore thus says the Lord, the God of Israel, concerning this city of which you say, ‘It is given into the hand of the king of Babylon by sword, by famine, and by pestilence’:

37 Behold, I will gather them from all the countries to which I drove them in my anger and my wrath and in great indignation. I will bring them back to this place, and I will make them dwell in safety.

38 And they shall be my people, and I will be their God.

39 I will give them one heart and one way, that they may fear me forever, for their own good and the good of their children after them.
40 I will make with them an everlasting covenant, that I will not turn away from doing good to them. And I will put the fear of me in their hearts, that they may not turn from me.

41 I will rejoice in doing them good, and I will plant them in this land in faithfulness, with all my heart and all my soul.

+++++ +++++ +++++ +++++ +++++ +++++ +++++

Grace does not prevent pain, but ordains it in the lives of believers and then sustains us through it.

If God can manage (and He certainly does) all of the things necessary to sustain through trials, He could certainly have prevented the trials from happening.
He doesn't prevent trials, though. These are meant to be opportunities to glory in the grace of the Cross of Christ.

In the passage, God brought the trials upon the Jews because of His wrath and anger; however, He then also provided the restorative and sustaining grace they would need to endure. Indeed they would not have endured without it!

Sustaining grace, in order to be capable of sustaining in all situations, must be sovereign. It must have more power than whatever situation it finds itself in, or it would fail to sustain.

Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing v.3

"O to grace how great a debtor daily I'm constrained to be! Let thy goodness like a fetter, bind my wandering heart to thee. Prone to wander Lord I feel it, prone to leave the God I love. Here's my heart, O take and seal it, seal it for thy courts above."

Fetter = chain or shackle for the legs/feet. something that restrains.

If my heart was not bound/chained to the Lord by His grace, I would most certainly wander away from Him, because that's my very nature.
He must seal my heart and protect it from the attempts of this world to draw it away, otherwise I would have no hope. To think I somehow control my perseverance/desire for God is foolishness, and not supported by Scripture.

God is the primary agent acting on behalf of the Jews in this passage. He makes an everlasting covenant with them to not cease in doing them good. Though this promise is written for the Jews (and we must be very careful about taking promises made for someone else and claiming them as my own simply because they are good sound bites), I can still take comfort in this promise (the everlasting covenant) since I have been grafted into the children of Abraham as a believer (Romans 11:11-24). I have been inserted into the terms of this everlasting covenant.

In this passage, God does not stand idly to the side to see if the Jews will turn and fear the Lord. Instead, He places fear of Him in their hearts and makes them His own objects of mercy. Also, once this fear is present, He sustains it with grace, so they would not turn away.
This is still how He saves sinners. He does not stand aside (to be polite and not impose on my "free will") to see which way we will go, but rather He actively places the fear of Him into the hearts of those whom He chooses to demonstrate saving grace to, and then He sustains them with that same grace!

In the final verse of this passage, the Lord states that He will rejoice in doing good for those in whom He has placed the fear of Himself. What is the countenance of the Lord, in your mind? Here He is clearly a rejoicing, happy God. The good things that He does in the lives of His children, He does with all of His heart and His soul. Is it possible to even conceive of the intensity with which He sustains me and the magnitude to which He enjoys showing me good? God is infinite, so it follows that when He says He is giving all of His heart and all of His soul for my benefit, these must be equally infinite.

The grace of God is incredibly powerful and is definitely amazing. I don't know that I grasp the gravity of the word, "grace" when I use it or read it. It overcomes everything that would otherwise hinder me from knowing or being known by the Lord. I reflect on the fact that I rightly deserve hell, if judged by my merit, yet I'm bound by the grace of Christ, for eternity in His courts.

Clean on the Outside...

2007-08-11T16:03:00.000-04:00

11 August 2007, Saturday

Clean on the Outside…

Matthew 23:25, 26 Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you clean the outside of the cup and the plate, but inside they are full of greed and self-indulgence. You blind Pharisee! First clean the inside of the cup and the plate, that the outside also may be clean.

Many times, I feel like the accused in the above verse. I’m quite good at “playing” Christian, regarding my actions and words when in front of others. Inside, though, am I really any different? Often, it sure doesn’t feel like I’m different. When no one is looking, I indulge my flesh, my selfish thoughts, my unrighteous actions. I don’t conduct myself like one who is redeemed. The fruit of this behavior rots my quiet times spent trying to read the Word. I’m left with poor focus, or even worse, no time spent reading at all. I manage to “get by” from day to day, with little energy actually invested in a meaningful relationship with my Jesus. Do I struggle against this dying flesh? Often, the answer is, “no.” But the example provided me in the Bible is one that continues to persevere in obedience, despite any struggles I have with my corrupt flesh.

1 Corinthians 9:24-27 Do you not know that in a race all the runners compete, but only one receives the prize? So run that you may obtain it. Every athlete exercises self-control in all things. They do it to receive a perishable wreath, but we an imperishable. So I do not run aimlessly; I do not box as one beating the air. But I discipline my body and keep it under control, lest after preaching to others I myself should be disqualified.

I know the Lord is the Author and finisher, or sanctifier of my faith (Hebrews 12:2), so I find myself here because He has allowed me to be here. During this time of rocky faith, I am called to return to the Lord, in obedience, and to persevere, despite lacking feelings. Since I am one of His children, I can be certain that He will restore me and cause my faith to grow through this. I am not to be driven by my emotions, or lack of them when reading/praying. This is commonly how modern society has encouraged people to act, though, in direct opposition to God’s command.
++If it feels good, do it….
++Let your heart be your guide (Jeremiah 17:9 says my heart is deceitful and wicked, and then asks who can know it)
++Follow your gut instinct…
God never teaches me to be this way! No, during tough times, I am to draw nearer to the Lord, seek to be more dependent on Him, not less.

Matthew 12:34b For out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks.

O Lord,
You are the Sovereign over all things. The resistance of my heart and my flesh is not stronger than your hand. Please break through my defenses and bring me to humble repentance before you. I undeservingly ask forgiveness for the hardness of my heart, the arrogance with which I stumble through my days, and for the casual manner in which I approach you. Please make me teachable and instruct me by your word in the way I should live. I believe it has all truth concerning profitable conduct before you, and I ask you to mesh the knowledge gained from it with your amazing grace in my life, that I would actually live the way you command everyone to.

Shield me from the constant attack on your word, offered by the world I live in. Instead of harboring doubts ignited by them, help me to seek out definitive answers in your word, and in other historical documents that serve as evidence on which to build a reasonable faith. Give me the ability to formulate logical, honest arguments that defend the reason for the hope I have in you, as you have called me.

Thank you for being bigger than every issue I face. Help me to remember this, and to quietly depend on you, instead of myself, for all provision. All of this I pray by the glorious grace of your perfect son. Amen.

Wisdom, Understanding, and Discretion

2006-10-21T21:05:00.000-04:00

Wisdom, Understanding, and Discretion

Proverbs 2
1 My son, if you receive my words and treasure up my commandments with you,
2 making your ear attentive to wisdom and inclining your heart to understanding;
3 yes, if you call out for insight and raise your voice for understanding,
4 if you seek it like silver and search for it as for hidden treasures,

5 then you will understand the fear of the Lord and find the knowledge of God.
6 For the Lord gives wisdom; from his mouth come knowledge and understanding;
7 he stores up sound wisdom for the upright; he is a shield to those who walk in integrity,
8 guarding the paths of justice and watching over the way of his saints.

9 Then you will understand righteousness and justice and equity, every good path;
10 for wisdom will come into your heart, and knowledge will be pleasant to your soul;
11 discretion will watch over you, understanding will guard you,
12 delivering you from the way of evil, from men of perverted speech,
13 who forsake the paths of uprightness to walk in the ways of darkness,
14 who rejoice in doing evil and delight in the perverseness of evil,
15 men whose paths are crooked, and who are devious in their ways.

16 So you will be delivered from the forbidden woman, from the adulteress with her smooth words,
17 who forsakes the companion of her youth and forgets the covenant of her God;
18 for her house sinks down to death, and her paths to the departed;
19 none who go to her come back, nor do they regain the paths of life.

20 So you will walk in the way of the good and keep to the paths of the righteous.
21 For the upright will inhabit the land, and those with integrity will remain in it,
22 but the wicked will be cut off from the land, and the treacherous will be rooted out of it.

Reading through this, I noticed a pattern I’d not noticed before. Buried within this proverb pertaining to the increase of wisdom was an, “if, then, so” statement.
If (the condition)
Then (the result)
So (the reason; the “so what”)

If
Reading through this section (v. 1-4), meditating on what these statements are really saying, I realize how: 1) how intentional my pursuit must be, and 2) how difficult the pursuit is. Intentional, because of how I must search for it as a hidden treasure. It is not easily found, and not accidentally stumbled upon. Wisdom, insight, and understanding are gifts of the Lord’s grace, and He chooses to impart these riches of His grace through man’s relentless pursuit of them, and through persistent crying out for them in prayer (James 1:5). I say this pursuit is difficult, not because they are difficult to obtain, for the Lord freely gives to those who ask in faith (James 1:6), but rather because it is difficult for me to ask in faith, without doubting. My pride prevents me from petitioning the Lord with a sincere heart. You see, most days I believe I am already wise, making it impossible for me to pray for something I am convinced I already have (Proverbs 3:7; Proverbs 12:15; Proverbs 26:12; Isaiah 5:21). My only recourse is to cry out to God continually to overcome my pride (as only He is able) and impart to me true wisdom; a wisdom vastly different from what the world calls wisdom. Indeed, it must be different than what this world calls wisdom (James 3:13-18)!

Then
In v.5-15, I see the direct result of an increase in my wisdom. The foundation for all of this is a proper fear of the Lord (Proverbs 1:7). This fear is a reverent fear, not a cowering fear (concerned with punishment). It is a profoundly respectful fear. With this fear comes an increase in all of the things pertaining to right living, according to the Lord. The Lord is faithful to increase my understanding, righteousness, equity, and knowledge of the right path (which few find, by the way – Matthew 7:14). The rest that I find in the rich promises of God are only obtainable through the “if” portion of Proverbs 2, and this “if” condition is only met by God’s grace through faith. It may seem, on the surface, that I am espousing a view of works that merit grace, but read deeper and understand that I am not! Understanding that I am unable to perform any of these works, I cry out to God, knowing that it is only Him who works through me for His pleasure…it is His doing, not mine, not mine, not mine (Philippians 2:13,14)!

So
Who cares? So what? The nature of these things requires that I intentionally pursue them, and through great difficulty. Although I know God’s grace empowers me to obey in this pursuit, why would I be interested in that? God commands these things for my own good (Deuteronomy 10:13)! The “so what” is because He cares for me, and desires that I enter the rest only He provides! The Lord imputes righteousness to me, but He also commands me to conduct myself in obedience, in holiness, so I may join Him on His holy hill (Psalm 15). There is most certainly a command, a responsibility to obey; to believe otherwise is to believe in something other than the Gospel that Jesus taught.

How wonderful are the graces of the Lord! Thanks be to God that He chooses to pour them out on one such as myself. Knowing I am unable to will or to work for good apart from Him (John15:5), I cry out to Him for the accomplishment of the things that please Him. How incredible is the salvation He has designed? So simple and so effortless, yet paradoxically requiring my total surrender, my very life – His yoke being called “easy,” and His burden, “light,” and at the same time calling me to struggle, to persevere, to bear with burdens, to lay down my life.

True Christianity
Lord of Heaven,
Thy goodness is inexpressible and inconceivable.
In thy works of creation thou art almighty,
In the dispensations of providence all-wise,
In the gospel of grace all love,
And in thy Son thou hast provided for
our deliverance from the effects of sin,
the justification of our persons,
the sanctification of our natures,
the perseverance of our souls in the path of life.
Though exposed to the terrors of thy law,
we have a refuge from the storm;
Though compelled to cry, ‘Unclean’,
we have a fountain for sin;
Though creature-cells of emptiness
we have a fullness accessible to all,
and incapable of reduction.
Grant us always to know that to walk with Jesus
makes other interests a shadow and a dream.
Keep us from intermittent attention
to eternal things;
Save us from the delusion of those
who fail to go far in religion,
who are concerned but not converted,
who have another heart but not a new one,
who have light, zeal, confidence, but not Christ.
Let us judge our Christianity;
not only by our dependence upon Jesus,
but by our love to him,
our conformity to him,
our knowledge of him.
Give us a religion that is both real and progressive,
that holds on its way and grows stronger,
that lives and works in the Spirit,
that profits by every correction,
and is injured by no carnal indulgence.

and now, a musical break...

2006-10-14T16:43:00.000-04:00

While visiting one of my favorite websites Taylor Guitars, I stumbled upon this treat of a video, featuring Jason Mraz playing his song, "the Remedy." It is awesome! I hope you enjoy it.

the Wimpy Gospel

2006-10-10T23:41:00.000-04:00

the Wimpy Gospel

When did our society transform the Gospel of Christ into such an impotent, non-life-changing message? “Ask Jesus into your heart”; “invite Christ into your life”; “accept Jesus as your personal Savior”; “make a decision for Christ.” They sound great, but are they biblical? The call of Christ is one of discipleship, a call to obedience, not merely a call to make a decision for, or to pray a prayer to Him. It is a call that demands repentance in the life of a sinner. This offer of amazing grace is tempered with warnings to those who lived outwardly religious lives, without an inward change associated with true righteousness (Matthew 7:13-23).

“Contemporary Christians have been conditioned to believe that because they recited a prayer, signed on a dotted line, walked an aisle, or had some other experience, they are saved and should never question their salvation. I have attended evangelism training seminars where counselors were taught to tell ‘converts’ that any doubt about their salvation is satanic and should be dismissed. It is a widely held misconception that anyone who questions whether he or she is saved is challenging the integrity of God’s Word.” [The Gospel According to Jesus, by John F. Macarthur, page 29]

Although the Bible calls believers to have confidence in their justification, many churches have distorted this exhortation, basing the confidence instead on the extra-biblical philosophies of man, noted in the above paragraph. This has led many to falsely trust in an eternal justification before God that simply is not there. After “signing the dotted line,” or “praying the sinner’s prayer” at the request of their pastor, they continue about their daily lives without evidence of a changed life. In their eyes, the offer of grace is viewed as an eternal insurance policy, rather than as an instrument intended to lead them to repentance (Romans 2:4). In writing all of this, I do not mean to imply that we cannot be certain of our salvation, because the Bible emphatically says, both directly and indirectly, that we can be, in numerous verses (Nehemiah 9:16-19; Psalm 31:23; Jeremiah 32:38-42; John 6:37-40; John 17:11; Ephesians 1:11-14; Philippians 1:6; 2 Thessalonians 3:3-5; 2 Timothy 1:12; Hebrews 7:25; Hebrews 10:14; 1 Peter 1:3-5).

2 Corinthians 13:5 Examine yourselves, to see whether you are in the faith. Test yourselves. Or do you not realize this about yourselves, that Jesus Christ is in you?—unless indeed you fail to meet the test!

2 Peter 1:10 Therefore, brothers, be all the more diligent to make your calling and election sure, for if you practice these qualities you will never fall.

Luke 6:44 for each tree is known by its own fruit. For figs are not gathered from thornbushes, nor are grapes picked from a bramble bush.

1 John 3:10 By this it is evident who are the children of God, and who are the children of the devil: whoever does not practice righteousness is not of God, nor is the one who does not love his brother.

James 2:14-17 What good is it, my brothers, if someone says he has faith but does not have works? Can that faith save him? If a brother or sister is poorly clothed and lacking in daily food, and one of you says to them, “Go in peace, be warmed and filled,” without giving them the things needed for the body, what good is that? So also faith by itself, if it does not have works, is dead.

1 John 2:4 Whoever says “I know him” but does not keep his commandments is a liar, and the truth is not in him…

“The Lord will not save those whom He cannot command. He will not divide His offices. You cannot believe on half-Christ. We take Him for what He is—the anointed Savior and Lord who is King of kings and Lord of all lords! He would not be Who He is if He saved us and called us and chose us without the understanding that He can also guide and control our lives.” [I Call it Heresy, by A.W. Tozer, pages 18-19].

Concerning the theology that attempts to separate salvation from discipleship, James Boice writes, “This [theology] is a common defect in times of prosperity. In days of hardship, particularly persecution, those who are in the process of becoming Christians count the cost of discipleship carefully before taking up the cross of the Nazarene. Preachers do not beguile them with false promises of an easy life or indulgence of sins. But in good times, the cost does not seem so high, and people take the name of Christ without undergoing the radical transformation of life that true conversion implies.” [Christ’s Call to Discipleship, page 14).

Ephesians 2:10 says that we were created for good works, which the Lord prepared beforehand. As part of the saving work that the Lord does within each true believer, He will produce: repentance, faith, sanctification, and obedience. Since the Lord is not dependent on humans to produce these fruits, any “salvation” experience that lacks them cannot be the saving work of God.

Lost Salvation?

2006-09-28T08:21:00.000-04:00

Did Judas lose his salvation?

John 17:12 While I was with them, I kept them in your name, which you have given me. I have guarded them, and not one of them has been lost except the son of destruction, that the Scripture might be fulfilled.

Reading this verse, which is the high priestly prayer of the Lord Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemane, it would seem that Judas initially had salvation, yet lost it when he betrayed Jesus. If true that he genuinely lost salvation, what confidence can any believer have that they are indeed saved? Though I don’t hand over the Lord for crucifixion, do I not still betray Him daily? The first question that needs to be answered here is whether or not Judas had a genuine salvation. Only after this can I determine the foundation for the confidence I’m called to have in Christ Jesus (Ephesians 3:11-12).

Who was Judas? I mean, he was one of the original 12 disciples; he kept the finances for Jesus’ ministry. Basically, he was a prominent figure, and by all human accounts, a “model” Christian. The Lord, however, is not fooled by our appearances, for He sees our hearts (1 Samuel 16:7). Those who play a good game, but never actually believe in their hearts are in for a rude awakening to eternal judgment one day (Matthew 7:21-23). This is not the basis for our salvation. Even though Judas was playing this game of being one of Jesus’ closest friends, inwardly, where it mattered, he was described as the “son of destruction”, or the “son of perdition.” This is the same term used to reference the antichrist (2 Thessalonians 2:3). Since God is omnipotent, He either directly effects, or allows all events that pass. Since God is omniscient, He knows not only when every event will pass, but also the outcome. The Lord knew who Judas was from the beginning, even before Judas was born, yet he was chosen for his position on earth that the Scriptures might be fulfilled (Psalm 41:7). Jesus knew Judas was never a genuine believer; otherwise, Jesus would not have referred to him as the son of perdition. Also, this is evident in the dialogue Jesus shares with him at the Last Supper, indicating He knew (John 13:27) the plans of Judas and when they would happen. Judas didn’t likely even know the full ramifications of what he was doing! The disciples and the other townspeople were likely fooled by the guise of Judas, but conduct alone will never purchase one salvation. Judas was never one of the Lord’s children (1 John 2:18-19).

Wisdom

2006-09-26T10:06:00.000-04:00

Wisdom

The Lord continues to daily increase my knowledge and my faith in Him, convincing me more completely of my need of Him.

I am learning that wisdom is different than I thought it was.
I am learning that when I begin to think I’m wise, I am not.
I am learning that what the world touts as wisdom is really foolishness to the Lord. He is recreating, in my mind, the picture I have of wisdom (to be conformed to His definition), and showing me how unique His wisdom is.

1 Corinthians 1:17 For Christ did not send me to baptize but to preach the gospel, and not with words of eloquent wisdom, lest the cross of Christ be emptied of its power.

“Eloquent wisdom.”

Greek NT
1 Corinthians 1:17 Not for delegated me Christ to immerse but to tell good message, not in wisdom of word, that not might be emptied the cross of the Christ.

Paul makes a clear distinction between the wisdom of spoken words and the wisdom of God. This point is reiterated in v.20. The wisdom of the world, of spoken words is not true wisdom, though it appears to be (and it may still contain kernels of truth).

Romans 1:19-23 For what can be known about God is plain to them, because God has shown it to them. For his invisible attributes, namely, his eternal power and divine nature, have been clearly perceived, ever since the creation of the world, in the things that have been made. So they are without excuse. For although they knew God, they did not honor him as God or give thanks to him, but they became futile in their thinking, and their foolish hearts were darkened. Claiming to be wise, they became fools, and exchanged the glory of the immortal God for images resembling mortal man and birds and animals and reptiles.

That the world has “exchanged the glory of the immortal God” is demonstrated in our society’s focus on the philosophy of humanism, or the celebration of the goodness of man. This is in stark contrast with Scripture (Romans 3:10-12), that says all men are inherently bad.

1 Corinthians 1:21-24 For since, in the wisdom of God, the world did not know God through wisdom, it pleased God through the folly of what we preach to save those who believe. For Jews demand signs and Greeks seek wisdom, but we preach Christ crucified, a stumbling block to Jews and folly to Gentiles, but to those who are called, both Jews and Greeks, Christ the power of God and the wisdom of God.

Could the wisdom of the world and the wisdom of God be any more diametrically opposed? The world says that goodness and wisdom are found in man, yet the Lord says that not only is goodness and wisdom not found in man, He says it is only found in the Lord.

To steadfastly cling to the wisdom of man is pride.

God opposes the prideful (James 4:6), without fail.

James 3:13-18 Who is wise and understanding among you? By his good conduct let him show his works in the meekness of wisdom. But if you have bitter jealousy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast and be false to the truth. This is not the wisdom that comes down from above, but is earthly, unspiritual, demonic. For where jealousy and selfish ambition exist, there will be disorder and every vile practice. But the wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, open to reason, full of mercy and good fruits, impartial and sincere. And a harvest of righteousness is sown in peace by those who make peace.

Yes, I am learning that wisdom is different than what I thought it was.

Battling the Unbelief of Lust

2006-09-25T17:20:00.000-04:00

Battling the Unbelief of Lust

These are the notes I took on a lecture from a series on unbelief taught by John Piper. More of these may be posted in the future, because it would be a good idea to work through the series sometime.

1 Thessalonians 4:1-8 (1)Finally, then, brothers, we ask and urge you in the Lord Jesus, that as you received from us how you ought to live and to please God, just as you are doing, that you do so more and more. (2)For you know what instructions we gave you through the Lord Jesus. (3)For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you abstain from sexual immorality; (4)that each one of you know how to control his own body in holiness and honor, (5)not in the passion of lust like the Gentiles who do not know God; (6)that no one transgress and wrong his brother in this matter, because the Lord is an avenger in all these things, as we told you beforehand and solemnly warned you. (7)For God has not called us for impurity, but in holiness. (8)Therefore whoever disregards this, disregards not man but God, who gives his Holy Spirit to you.

Lust: sexual desire that dishonors its object and disregards God. It is a sexual desire, minus holiness and honor.

Translational Differences:

RSV v.4: that each one of you know how to take a wife for himself in holiness and honor,…

NIV v.4: that each of you should learn to control your own body in a way that is holy and honorable,…

NASB v.4: that each of you know how to possess his own vessel in sanctification and honor,…

Greek NT v.4: to know each of you the of himself pot to acquire in holiness and value,…

Sexual desire is good, but it is meant to be regulated by holiness and honor. God established the covenant of marriage for the satisfaction of sexual desire, while still maintaining holiness and honor. To conduct yourself towards another person in a manner that says, “I want your body for my pleasure, but I don’t want you as a whole person” is lust, and is dishonoring to that person. Lust is sexual desire, minus a commitment to honor a person in covenant relationship.

Lust is the absence of holiness. Lust comes from not knowing God. Do you disregard the holiness of God with your sexual desires?

The world views lust as insignificant when there are problems of war, and famine, and political corruption, and crime. They argue that lustful thoughts/actions are what a person chooses to do in their personal time, and that we ought not tell a person what to do with that time. This is the reaction of a society who has forsaken a supreme regard for God.

v.6 God has a different viewpoint than the vast majority of the world. The Lord will avenge this unholiness. The consequence of this unholy, dishonoring conduct is vastly worse than the consequences of nuclear war, or terror attacks. The only reason to deny this is the result of unbelief in eternity. The only thing war can do is kill physical bodies. Jesus specifically speaks about this in Matthew 10:28.

Matthew 10:28 And do not fear those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. Rather fear him who can destroy both soul and body in hell.

Ponder the eternal danger of lust (Matthew 5:27-30), because it IS real. The way one chooses to handle lust is of utmost importance because it decides where you will spend eternity. The tendency of the average person who professes to be a Christian is to extract saving faith from every other aspect of their life, so that how they live has no bearing on their “eternal security.” Scripture repeatedly denies this errant belief, yet they remain blissfully ignorant, at least during their physical lives.

1 Timothy 6:12 Fight the good fight of the faith. Take hold of the eternal life to which you were called and about which you made the good confession in the presence of many witnesses.

Are we not saved by faith? We are, by persevering, in faith. 1 Timothy 6:12. The good fight of the faith IS the fight for purity in our hearts/actions, for the honor of God.

The false doctrine taught in many churches today is that justification is by faith, and sanctification is by good works. This makes sanctification optional, because faith is viewed as what actually gets you into heaven, while sanctification, or increasing holiness, is merely what determines the degree of reward once there.

The battle for obedience is absolutely necessary for salvation because it IS the battle against unbelief; it IS the fight of the faith. There is only one battle; they are not separate battles.

The root cause of lust is unbelief, implied by v.5, which says that those who do not know God behave differently, than those who do.

Mark 1:21-28 (21) And they went into Capernaum, and immediately on the Sabbath he entered the synagogue and was teaching. (22) And they were astonished at his teaching, for he taught them as one who had authority, and not as the scribes. (23) And immediately there was in their synagogue a man with an unclean spirit. And he cried out, (24) “What have you to do with us, Jesus of Nazareth? Have you come to destroy us? I know who you are—the Holy One of God.” (25) But Jesus rebuked him, saying, “Be silent, and come out of him!” (26) And the unclean spirit, convulsing him and crying out with a loud voice, came out of him. (27) And they were all amazed, so that they questioned among themselves, saying, “What is this? A new teaching with authority! He commands even the unclean spirits, and they obey him.” (28) And at once his fame spread everywhere throughout all the surrounding region of Galilee.

The demons know who the Lord is, so there must be a difference in how the demons know God, and the knowledge Paul is talking about in 1 Thessalonians 4:5. There clearly is no connection between mere head knowledge and the power of godliness. 2 Corinthians 4:6 speaks of this different, proper knowledge. It’s the knowledge of His greatness, His grandeur, His glory, His power, His wisdom, His truth. It’s the knowledge you don’t have when you grumble impatiently at the end of the church service while singing praises to God.

Hebrews 11:1 Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen.

This is the knowledge that liberates from unbelief.

1 Peter 2:11 Beloved, I urge you as sojourners and exiles to abstain from the passions of the flesh, which wage war against your soul. [emphasis mine]

This is serious.

Holiness

2006-09-23T18:57:00.000-04:00

Holiness

Romans 6:6 We know that our old self was crucified with him in order that the body of sin might be brought to nothing, so that we would no longer be enslaved to sin.

We share in the death of Christ, and also in His resurrection to eternal life (Romans 6:3-5). This is symbolized by our baptism after we have become believers. The death of Christ was to conquer the binding power of sin, and His resurrection was to eternal life, only possible when sin is conquered. It is a wonderful thing that we share in this, if, in fact, we believe in the Lord (Romans 1:16-17).

I am being made more holy every day I walk with the Lord; this is sanctification. Sanctification is only possible for those who believe in the Lord. For the one who doesn’t believe in the Lord, that person is still enslaved to sin, and therefore unable to be “enslaved” to righteousness in the Lord.

Romans 6:20-23 When you were slaves of sin, you were free in regard to righteousness. But what fruit were you getting at that time from the things of which you are now ashamed? The end of those things is death. But now that you have been set free from sin and have become slaves of God, the fruit you get leads to sanctification and its end, eternal life. For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.

I can be confident that although I will not reach completed sanctification (which is glorification) on this side of heaven, I am still getting closer to this reality every day I live for the Lord. The Lord will complete this work in me with finality when I die, which is why Paul speaks of dying as gain (Philippians 1:21). I am encouraged because He promises to complete this in me (Philippians 1:6), even when I am persuaded to be discouraged because I know deep down what kind of person I really am.

God All Sufficient
O Lord of grace,

The world is before me this day,
and I am weak and fearful,
but I look to thee for strength;

If I venture forth alone I stumble and fall,
but on the Beloved’s arms I am firm as the eternal hills;

If left to the treachery of my heart I shall shame thy Name,
but if enlightened, guided, upheld by thy Spirit, I shall bring thee glory.

Be thou my arm to support,
my strength to stand,
my light to see,
my feet to run,
my shield to protect,
my sword to repel,
my sun to warm.

To enrich me will not diminish thy fullness;
All thy lovingkindness is in thy Son,
I bring him to thee in the arms of faith,
I urge his saving Name as the One who died for me.
I plead his blood to pay my debts of wrong.

Accept his worthiness for my unworthiness,
his sinlessness for my transgressions,
his purity for my uncleanness,
his sincerity for my guile,
his truth for me deceits,
his meekness for my pride,
his constancy for my backslidings,
his love for my enmity,
his fullness for my emptiness,
his faithfulness for my treachery,
his obedience for my lawlessness,
his glory for my shame,
his devotedness for my waywardness,
his holy life for my unchaste ways,
his righteousness for my dead works,
his death for my life.

I am rich, but am I content?

2006-09-18T23:20:00.000-04:00

I headed down the airplane aisle to find my seat. I am very tired from a busy, but wonderful week spent with the woman my heart loves like no other. Missing her immensely, my thoughts are inwardly focused, and selfish. It's all about me, isn't it? I reach my seat, 4B (aisle), to see a very fat lady sitting in 4A (window), She is large enough that her fat is crawling over the armrest, and in fact, under it as well...over into my seat area. I am unable to use the armrest on my left side, and even with my arm not on it, her fat still presses against me. I get situated quickly into my seat, click the seatbelt tight, and try to get comfortable, since the flight is about 2-2.5 hours. I can never get completely comfortable on these planes; the seats are not comfortable, or spacious. Though my knees clear the seat in front of me by several inches, it still seems there isn't enough leg room. The seat reclines back just enough to tease me with the prospect of reclining for a nap, but not actually being able to do so enough to be useful. Really, could I complain any more? Anyway, I sat there complaining to myself, when I began to notice and observe the lady sitting next to me, who was snoring already (we were still sitting at the gate). Her legs are stuffed down into the floorboard, with her knees pressing firmly into the seat in front of her, Her hips do not have enough room to fit in her seat -- she is kind of "packed" into it by force. She has no room to put her arms down to her sides. All of this -- yet she sleeps -- snores even -- I know she probably can't be very comfortable, even though she seems to be, since she's sleeping so soundly.

As I sat there selfishly, I began to realize how "rich" I was -- I really had no legitimate reason to be pitying my situation, especially when compared to the lady next to me. I had plenty of room compared to her, yet I acted as though I had none. The Lord humbled me right then and there -- He showed me what it means to be content in all situations. My heart felt compassion on this lady next to me. She must deal with this every time she travels -- no seats are ever big enough, or comfortable; no passengers want to sit next to her because she crowds their seats. Does anyone show, outwardly, this negative impression of her? I'm sure she experiences it not uncommonly. She slept soundly the entire flight, so we never spoke, but she humbled me. I prayed for her...mostly because I was ashamed of myself. I prayed also for myself: to have contentment in all situations. I wish I could sit here and write that my initial response was different; that my thoughts were initially, reflexively holy, but they weren't. I pray the Lord would replace my worldly eyes, that only see a lacking, with spiritual eyes that only focus on heavenly things, that look everywhere with love, fully content with the present situation the Lord has provided. God is so good, to show me through daily life, the lessons in holiness He wants me to learn. He shows me how far below the mark I am, that I would not be proud -- that I would continue to realize my complete need of Him. I am richly blessed indeed.

Rest for the weary

2006-09-06T15:34:00.000-04:00

Rest for the weary

Isaiah 28:12-13 This is rest; give rest to the weary; and this is repose; yet they would not hear. And the word of the Lord will be to them, precept upon precept, precept upon precept, line upon line, line upon line, here a little, there a little, that they may go, and fall backward, and be broken, and snared, and taken.

Weary, from trying, day after day, to seek rest and security apart from the Lord. Striving to satisfy desires by our own pursuits will be most unfruitful, and will only leave us weary and distant from our Lord. The Lord certainly offers rest to his people, Israel in this verse. Still, the truth is equally valid for the believer, who has been engrafted into the olive tree, his children. He openly offers rest to His children, yet many times we are unwilling to hear. The offer is made, though it falls on willingly deaf ears. These ears are prideful, for they ignore the rest He offers, because this person claims they know whatever they are in pursuit of will really satisfy. This person will have a tortured conscience, because he strives to be wise and happy without God.

His glory

2006-05-25T23:40:00.000-04:00

HIS GLORY, my response

I get up in the morning, and I’ve sinned in my thoughts even before my day has really begun. I don’t even need to leave the house in order to sin, to blaspheme my Lord. I wonder: if I could see the glory of God, would I be so cavalier in my handling of His blood?

Revelation 1:12-18 Then I turned to see the voice that was speaking to me, and on turning I saw seven golden lampstands, and in the midst of the lampstands one like a son of man, clothed with a long robe and with a golden sash around his chest. The hairs of his head were white like wool, as white as snow. His eyes were like a flame of fire, his feet were like burnished bronze, refined in a furnace, and his voice was like the roar of many waters. In his right hand he held seven stars, from his mouth came a sharp two-edged sword, and his face was like the sun shining in full strength. When I saw him, I fell at his feet as though dead. But he laid his right hand on me, saying, “Fear not, I am the first and the last, and the living one. I died, and behold I am alive forevermore, and I have the keys of Death and Hades.”

When I read Scripture, my sinful nature tends to blur my understanding; instead of interpreting Scripture honestly, and submitting, I manipulate it to agree with the way I want to live. The result of this mishandling of Scripture is that I don’t see the glory of God. . . rather, I see the “glory” of John.

see Exodus 33:18-23
see Exodus 34:29-35
see John 17:1-13

Scripture indicates that, were I to see the glory of the Lord, I most certainly would not respond in the manner I do. This would be life-changing.

Psalm 19:1,2 The heavens declare the glory of God, and the sky above proclaims his handiwork. Day to day pours out speech, and night to night reveals knowledge.

Isaiah 6:1-6 In the year that King Uzziah died I saw the Lord sitting upon a throne, high and lifted up; and the train of his robe filled the temple. Above him stood the seraphim. Each had six wings: with two he covered his face, and with two he covered his feet, and with two he flew. And one called to another and said: “Holy, holy, holy is the Lord of hosts; the whole earth is full of his glory!” And the foundations of the thresholds shook at the voice of him who called, and the house was filled with smoke. And I said: “Woe is me! For I am lost; for I am a man of unclean lips, and I dwell in the midst of a people of unclean lips; for my eyes have the King, the Lord of hosts!” Then on the seraphim flew to me, having in his hand a burning coal that he had taken with tongs from the altar. And he touched my mouth and said: “Behold, this has touched your lips; your guilt is taken away, and your sin atoned for.”

see Ephesians 1:12
I was created for the praise of His glory!

O Lord, my response to You is so far below what you have called me. I buck against that for which I was created, instead seeking the elevation of my own status at the expense of a deeper relationship with You. Please forgive me and have mercy on me. Restore to me the joy of my salvation in You. Create in me a thirst only satisfied through You. Please let me see You, that this wandering wretch would know on Who to focus in this world. Thank You for
Your mercy shown in my life,
Your numerous blessings,
Your patience,
Your discipline,
Your love,
Your grace,
taking notice of someone so insignificant in the vastness of Your creation.
May I live according to the precepts of Your Word, submitting to Your authority in my life. Thank You in advance for accomplishing in my life all that You please.

Colossians 4v12

2006-05-23T18:25:00.000-04:00

Colossians 4:12b …always struggling on your behalf in his prayers…
#75 agōnizŏmai – lit. to compete for a prize; to contest
x3 strive
x3 fight
x1 labor fervently

Luke 13:24 …strive to enter through the narrow door.
John 18:36 …my followers would be fighting
Colossians 1:29 ...for this I toil, struggling…
1 Timothy 6:12 …fight the good fight of the faith…

Sometimes, I carelessly handle another’s prayer request, as though merely saying I will pray for someone will somehow afford them the same blessings as ACTUALLY praying for them. Why do I do this?

O Father, do I ever pray to You with this anguish in my heart when the prayer concerns someone else? My total selfishness interferes with my ability to struggle emotionally in my prayers on behalf of others. I need You to intervene in my heart, that I could pray earnestly for others. Is prayer not the most important thing I could offer in someone else’s life? Something so important, yet I’m so inept at praying that way. Please have mercy on me, and make my heart hurt, even agonize over those I pray for. Let me love them as I’m commanded (John 15:17; Romans 12:10; 1 Peter 1:22; James 2:8; 1 John 3:11).

my Conduct...

2006-05-02T22:19:00.000-04:00

I live among the wreckage of a fallen world that fights against the glory for which it was created. There is, however, a proper way to conduct myself in this world, that were I not seeking it daily in the Word and in prayer, I would miss. Too often, I hurry through my day, assimilating the philosophies of this world, while relegating the reproof of Scripture to some back closet in my mind.

Colossians 3:1,2 If then you have been raised with Christ, seek the things that are above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth.

When I consider what things are above, where Christ is, at the right hand of God, I’m reminded that only Holy things are there. I am to set my thoughts on the things that are Holy, just as I noted last evening (Philippians 4:8).

While in this world, I’m not to be corrupted by it’s materialism (Matthew 6:19-24). As a Christian, the most important driving force in my life should always be the glory of the Lord. This means my focus should not be money or the pursuit of the things it can buy. Good grief, this can be tough many times, because of the never-ending barrage of advertisements telling me that whatever I have currently is not good enough. . .I should buy whatever the newest gadget is they are peddling. TVs are not big enough, stereos not loud enough, houses not ritzy enough, cars not glamorous enough, computers not fast enough, breasts not large enough, lips not pouty enough, butts not ghetto enough. . . or too ghetto. It’s ridiculous, the things we are told to chase after by the world, in light of Scripture’s clear teaching that these things are not important or eternal!

While in this world, I’m not to be corrupted by it’s apathy towards the Lord (Luke 12:13-21). It’s trendy to be spiritual, but not towards the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. It’s cool to have a religion that you use for advice, so long as it’s not exclusive in it’s membership. Moral relativism is pervasive in our society. This is the notion that there is no absolute truth, and that what is “true” for one person is not necessarily “true” for another. This is the platform used to propagate “tolerance,” which is another hot topic for me (to be addressed later, maybe). Tolerance is the term used by our society to mean support for the beliefs of all people equally, except for those who believe in something very exclusive (such as Christianity, that teaches Christ is the ONLY way to Heaven). The world wants a religion that isn’t intrusive or demanding or judgmental. For those who are perishing, religion can truly become an “opiate for the masses.” For the Christian, however, the precepts of the Lord are intrusive into every aspect of life, demanding in worship, and judgmental to the point of defining what is holiness and what is sin.

If I love the world, and use my vaporous life to pursue the things of the world, the Bible is very clear about my relationship with God (1 John 2:15-17). People can argue contrary to me, but Scripture is clear in this matter. It is my humble hope to convey the Truth of Scripture as clearly as a finite intellect attempting to grasp the infinite is able to do.

Colossians 3:5-8 Put to death therefore what is earthly in you: sexual immorality, impurity, passion, evil desire, and covetousness, which is idolatry. On account of these the wrath of God is coming. In these you too once walked, when you were living in them. But now you must put them all awayL anger, wrath, malice, slander, and obscene talk from your mouth.

Colossians 3:12-13 Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassion, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive.

I don’t have much more to say, other than the fact that I don’t do most of the things I talk about very well. I am a clumsy man in need of my Savior every day.

(Philippians 3:13,14)

the Worm

2006-05-01T23:05:00.000-04:00

the Worm. . .

Romans 7:15-21 I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate. Now if I do what I do not want, I agree with the law, that it is good. So now it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me. For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh. For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out. For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want, it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me. So I find it to be a law that when I want to do right, evil lies close at hand.

John 15:5 I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing.

Matthew 7:17-20 So, every healthy tree bears good fruit, but the diseased tree bears bad fruit. A healthy tree cannot bear bad fruit, nor can a diseased tree bear good fruit. Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire. Thus you will recognize them by their fruits.

Psalm 51:12 Restore to me the joy of your salvation, and uphold me with a willing spirit.

Lord, please forgive me. I have been short in my private prayer, barely giving You lip service in my quiet times, and it’s reflected in my actions and my thoughts. The things I don’t want to do, I find myself doing. The thoughts I don’t want to think, I fail to even put up a fight against. You command me to dwell on things that are good, commendable, lovely, worthy of praise, yet my thoughts are sinking in the mire of my sinful nature. Lord, please forgive me for being me.

Philippians 4:8 Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.

I can do nothing apart from You, and I desperately need Your touch in my life, because I feel as though I am doing just that . . . nothing, for Your Kingdom. Please restore me, not so I can feel comfortable about my walk with You, but rather so that I can honor You and worship You the way You command me to. I recognize that You mandate what makes an obedient servant, not me. May I fall on the precepts of Scripture, not depending on the “logic” of my mind, for instruction. Let my appetite be satisfied in You alone, not settling for the vanities of this world. I could daily pray the same prayer over and over to You without changing a word, and it would never cease to be true. I am an unsteady, idolatrous person, my heart is wicked and deceitful, and I am unable to do any good; I need Your grace and Your mercy and Your patience every hour of my life in order to bring honor to Your name. I humbly beg You to make this so.

the Broken Heart
O Lord,
No day of my life has passed that has not
proved me guilty in thy sight.
Prayers have been uttered from a prayerless heart;
Praise has been often praiseless sound;
My best services are filthy rags.
Blessed Jesus, let me find a covert in thy appeasing wounds.
Though my sins rise to heaven thy merits soar above them;
Though unrighteousness weighs me down to hell,
thy righteousness exalts me to thy throne.
All things in me call for my rejection,
All things in thee plead my acceptance.
I appeal from the throne of perfect justice
to thy throne of boundless grace.
Grant me to hear thy voice assuring me:
that by thy stripes I am healed,
that thou wast bruised for my iniquities,
that thou hast been made sin for me
that I might be righteous in thee,
that my grievous sins, my manifold sins, are all forgiven,
buried in the ocean of thy concealing blood.
I am guilty, but pardoned,
lost, but saved,
wandering, but found,
sinning, but cleansed.
Give me perpetual broken-heartedness,
Keep me always clinging to thy cross,
Flood me every moment with descending grace,
Open to me the springs of divine knowledge,
sparkling like crystal,
flowing clear and unsullied
through my wilderness of life.

Pride

2006-04-30T22:21:00.000-04:00

Pride. . . again

I’m uncomfortable talking about pride in relation to myself, mainly because I don’t like to admit that I have a lot of it. I don’t like the feeling I feel when my pride is broken down, even though I know this is what must happen in order to be called a child of God. Things have happened in my life over the past several weeks that have secretly caused the pride within me to swell. It’s disgusting to think that I am so full of pride sometimes. I am caught up in pride about things that I have nothing to do with. Everything I have is a gift from God, not something that I somehow obtained on my own. My selfish mind has somehow distorted this truth into something more manageable and pleasing to it. I realize that even when I think I am relatively devoid of pride, even then my pride is an obstacle to authentic worship.

Proverbs 16:18 Pride goes before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall.

Mark 7:21-23 For from within, out of the heart of man, come evil thoughts, sexual immorality, theft, murder, adultery, coveting, wickedness, deceit, sensuality, envy, slander, pride, foolishness. All these evil things come from within, and they defile a person.

1 John 2:15-16 Do not love the world or the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For all that is in the world—the desires of the flesh and the desires of the eyes and pride in possessions—is not from the Father but is from the world.

It is evident that I cannot harbor pride in my heart and truly think my life pleasing to the Lord. I am ashamed of the duplicitous nature of my heart. It is so difficult to have the proper attitude, with the world screaming in my ear about what it thinks is important, and yet, I am called to be different. [Romans 12:1-21]

Pride
O Thou terrible Meek,
Let not pride swell my heart.
My nature is the mire beneath my feet,
the dust to which I shall return.
In body I surpass not the meanest reptile;
Whatever difference of form and intellect is mine
is a free grant of thy goodness;
Every faculty of mind and body is thy undeserved gift.
Low as I am as a creature, I am lower as a sinner;
I have trampled thy law times without number;
Sin’s deformity is stamped upon me,
darkens my brow, touches me with corruption:
How can I flaunt myself proudly?
Lowest abasement is my due place,
for I am less than nothing before thee.
Help me to see myself in thy sight,
then pride must wither, decay, die, perish.
Humble my heart before thee,
and replenish it with thy choicest gifts.
As water rests not on barren hill summits,
but flows down to fertilize lowest vales,
So make me the lowest of the lowly,
that my spiritual riches may exceedingly abound.
When I leave duties undone,
may condemning thought strip me of pride,
deepen in me devotion to thy service,
and quicken me to more watchful care.
When I am tempted to think highly of myself,
grant me to see the wily power of my spiritual enemy;
Help me to stand with wary eye on the watch-tower of faith,
and to cling with determined grasp to my humble Lord;
If I fall let me hide myself in my Redeemer’s righteousness,
and when I escape, may I ascribe all deliverance to thy grace.
Keep me humble, meek, lowly.

Lord, please hear my prayer tonight. I am full of pride, lust, greed, envy, idolatry. I am full of things You abhor, and yet You call me Your own. Please have mercy on this wretched sinner; please bear with me in patient love. Please humble me before You, that I would be able to offer something truly honoring to You. Strip away all sinful attitudes I currently cling to for “security,” showing me that my only true security is found in You. I ask You to close my ears to the things the world may say that would ordinarily cause me to swell with pride; instead, I beg You to make me keenly aware of my low station before You, that I would always be in a proper worship position before You. Lord, by Your grace alone, I resolve never to give over, nor in the least to slacken my fight with my corruptions, however unsuccessful I may be. No matter the situation, I will praise Your name, I will try to be a faithful servant. I know I am unable to do this on my own steam, so I cry out to You to strengthen me to accomplish this, not for my name, but for Your glory. Lord have mercy on this sinner.

Proverbs 16v9

2006-04-25T22:00:00.000-04:00

The Lord establishes his steps. . .

Proverbs 16:9 The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps.

A little background: I was post-call today, and relatively un-tired at the time, so I decided to try to get in a bike ride. I spent about an hour on Google maps, plotting out my route, trying to avoid the mid-week traffic. After I decided on a route, I wrote out the legs of the route on an index card to carry with me, since it was too many turns to remember. All this to say, it took a while to plan this out. The ride was scheduled to take about 1h45m. About 30 minutes into it, as I’m cresting a hill, I can see clearly across the countryside a storm cloud and the thick streams of rain pouring down. I decided to turn around at this point, hopefully to avoid the storm. Well, about 5 minutes after turning around to head back, the rain is driving. The ride was otherwise uneventful, but it made me think of all of my planning, and how easily my plan was diverted. It is not my intention to spiritualize my bike ride today into minute detail, but I think it brought a good illustration to mind, allowing me to reflect on other areas of my life that this verse applies to.

How quick my heart is to make plans based on selfish desires, unaware that it is the Lord who is in control of them coming to fruition. [James 4:13-16] Where do the desires of my heart fit in with the rest of my life, and more importantly, with Scripture? The Bible clearly says that I can have desires [Psalm 37:4], but I don’t think it’s talking about the same ones I frequently have. There are so many verses that direct me to desire things that are pleasing to the Lord, I feel overwhelmed to list them all here. As far as other things that I desire that are not necessarily spiritual (like the bike ride), I can desire these things, but I am not to cling to them. I can sit down to read the Word and pray about wanting to please the Lord, only to get up, and immediately leave Him out of the rest of my day’s plans. It scares me how short-sighted my heart is and how prone to wander I am.

Desires
O Thou that hearest prayer,
Teach me to pray.
I confess that in religious exercises the language of my lips and the feelings of my heart have not
always agreed, that I have frequently taken carelessly upon my tongue a name never
pronounced above without reverence and humility, that I often desired things which would
have injured me, that I have depreciated some of my chief mercies, that I have erred both on the side of my hopes and also of my fears, that I am unfit to choose for myself, for it is not in me to direct my steps.
Let thy Spirit help my infirmities, for I know not what to pray for as I ought.
Let him produce in me wise desires by which I may ask right things,
then I shall know thou hearest me.
May I never be importunate for temporal blessings, but always refer them to thy fatherly goodness,
for thou knowest what I need before I ask;
May I never think I prosper unless my soul prospers,
or that I am rich unless rich toward thee,
of that I am wise unless wise unto salvation.
May I seek first thy kingdom and its righteousness.
May I value things in relation to eternity.
May my spiritual welfare be my chief solicitude.
May I be poor, afflicted, despised and have thy blessing, rather than be successful in enterprise,
or have more than my heart can wish,
or be admired by my fellow men,
if thereby these things make me forget thee.
May I regard the world as dreams, lies, vanities, vexation of spirit, and desire to depart from it.
And may I seek my happiness in thy favour, image, presence, service.

On Call - Code 01

2006-04-12T22:43:00.000-04:00

On Call

I was on call from 6am on April 11, until 12noon April 12 for surgery, and just like it has been every other time so far, it was an adrenaline pumping one. I think the thing that most intimidates me at this early point in my training is carrying the code pager. This pager is the alert pager that goes off when anyone in the hospital “codes;” in other words, needs CPR/medical resuscitation. My apprehension stems mainly from the fact that I’m still so early in my training, that I don’t have a great deal of experience in these emergency situations. Usually, during the day, carrying the code pager isn’t so bad, because there are so many physicians also carrying code pagers in-house to respond to the pager with more knowledge than I, who can help out. The difficulty, if there is any, usually comes in the night hours, when everyone has left the hospital except for the few residents who are on call. Not all of them are carrying code pagers, so there is a limited response. Anyway, I’m getting a little off topic.

It was about 3pm yesterday. I was visiting with the nurses on 6 south, mostly quoting Napoleon Dynamite back and forth with them, when the code pager alarms. I stop mid-sentence and run out the door and down the hall, not yet knowing where I’m running, as I grab the pager from its holster to read where I’m running to. “Code 500 on 4N-408.” Great, this is not a wing of the hospital used to seeing codes. As I arrive on 4N, the pager goes off again, announcing that the code had been cancelled. I turn the corner into the room, to see that I’m the only physician there, and no one else is likely to show up, since they have cancelled the code on the pagers. I walk in to get the story, since I’ve only first laid eyes on him about 10 seconds ago, and just to make sure everything is resolving, whatever had happened. The patient is rolled on his side in bed, panting / moaning, with a couple of nurses over him to support him. The nurses think he might have had a seizure, but no one is sure. It’s about this time that he stops breathing. Oh crapola! No other physicians are here to help me! Oh wait, now we’re not able to get a blood pressure reading on him, and his pulses are very slow (35bpm) and faint. Double crapola. Remember, no one else is coming because they had “cancelled the code.” Brilliant. I’m not sure why, but no one re-called the code, even after I asked for more help. I was the only resident in with this guy for about 20minutes. My armpits were sweaty; actually all of me was sweaty. Thankfully, through this all, there were “rapid response” nurses present, who have critical care experience, who provided me with some much needed help in this case. This guy needs to be intubated, since he’s not breathing, and he’s actively tanking on me. I take my position at the head of the bead, to see this guy has vomited all over the place…..perfect. I hear vomit is really good for the lungs once it gets down in there. Normally, a little medication is given to sedate and paralyze patients before they are intubated, but this guy was so unresponsive that he needed nothing. There was no movement when I stuck the laryngoscope blade down his throat. Grabbed the suction tip to clear out his throat of vomit so I could see his vocal cords. There’s the epiglottis and the vocal cords. Held out my right hand, the ET tube is placed in my hand, and I place it through the cords into this man’s trachea. Ok, so he now has an airway; time to move on to fixing this low heart rate and blow pressure. Still, have no idea why this gentleman is crumping. Still, no other residents have arrived. Still, just another day in paradise. Quickly hang fluids and give 1 of atropine to jump start the heart rate, which seems to work. At this point, I have a second to get upset that they haven’t re-called the code to get more help in the room. I politely, I think, but firmly ask the nurse, again, to re-call the code, and do whatever she needed to do to get more experienced help available. I move over to the patient’s right side to try an arterial line to measure blood pressure, since we weren’t able to with the cuff. This involves feeling the pulse and sticking a needle into the artery and hooking it up to a machine capable of measuring pressure waves. Only one problem: you need a pressure to feel a pulse. Crapola, again, this guy has no pressure, and I can’t feel a radial pulse. By this time, the pulmonary fellow has showed up, and is starting a femoral central line on the left side. Most of the acute resuscitation is finished, and we are just trying to get this guy packaged and ready to go to the ICU. I abandon the a-line, after several unsuccessful attempts, and we head out to the ICU. As we’re rolling out the door, a couple more residents show up……thanks. We roll him to the ICU, at which point I turn over care to the ICU physicians, thankfully. It’s over, for me. Still, no idea what’s going on with the patient.

I stopped by this morning to check on him in the unit. He died yesterday evening, from an apparent intra-abdominal bleed. I found out he had liver cancer that was advanced to the point of eroding some abdominal vessels, which subsequently led to bleeding. The cancer was beyond curative treatment anyway, so this was expected at some point soon.

I don’t know what I feel about this event. I guess I experienced a sense of awe, as I do everytime I see someone die. Life is so fragile, and we can do nothing to preserve it. Only the Lord holds the power to preserve or take life. I wish more people saw this.

I have more thoughts brewing, but I don’t want to write them currently, because I think they might sound a bit forced, until I’m able to ponder them more in depth. There might be more to follow.

Colossians 2v8-14

2006-04-10T22:20:00.000-04:00

Colossians 2:8 See to it that no one takes you captive by philosophy and empty deceit, according to human tradition, according to the elemental spirits of the world, and not according to Christ.

I have, at times, been taken captive by the philosophy of men. I have been enticed to adopt the trappings of this world. And for what? Temporal pleasures. I have knowingly abandoned the joy of Christ for the fleeting pleasures of this world, and yet His love for me remains. He draws me back to Him once again. I praise the Lord He doesn’t simply leave me where I lay, covered with soil, wallowing in the mud. Rather, He restores me to His banquet table and places a banner over me, marking me as His own, for all to see. The only way I can recognize the beliefs of the world (which are in opposition to God) and refute them, is by devoting myself to the Word and to prayer. The only way I can devote myself to these things in a lasting manner is by the sustaining grace of God. I find it incredible that the Lord has mercy on me, yet I will forever be thankful for this.

Psalm 119:9 How can a young man keep his way pure? By guarding it according to your word.

Joshua 1:8 This Book of the Law shall not depart from your mouth, but you shall meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do according to all that is written in it. For then you will make your way prosperous, and then you will have good success.

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Colossians 2:13-14 And you, who were dead in your trespasses and the uncircumcision of your flesh, God made alive together with him, having forgiven us all our trespasses, by canceling the record of debt that stood against us with its legal demands. This he set aside, nailing it to the cross.

O, I love that last sentence. Only the Lawgiver has the right to set aside the record of debt. Only the One who has been sinned against has the power to forgive the sinner. I was dead in my trespasses. I had no opportunity to justify myself before the Lord. “Dead” is such a great word here because it conveys a clear meaning. Death provides finality in our minds that we are not able to overcome by simply imagining what is on the other side of it. This verse says the Lord made me alive, as He is alive (that is, truly alive; not the illusion of life we see now), and He did this by canceling the debt against my account. The Law brought knowledge of sin, and with sin came death (Romans 7:10; Romans 6:23). The Lord provided a perfect sacrifice in order to atone for the sins I have committed. I love this sentence: This he set aside, nailing it to the cross. It’s such a wonderful statement I don’t even know what to say about it! It overjoys my heart to read it!

Again, after all I learn, I’m returned to this: Psalm 69:6 Let not those who hope in you be put to shame through me, O Lord God of hosts; let not those who seek you be brought to dishonor through me, O God of Israel.

Pride - Contentment

2006-03-29T21:58:00.000-05:00

For God alone my soul waits in silence;
from him comes my salvation.
He only is my rock and my salvation,
my fortress; I shall not be greatly shaken.
……They bless with their mouths,
but inwardly they curse.
For God alone, O my soul, wait in silence,
for my hope is from him.
(Psalm 62:1-5)

The world is constantly telling me what it’s values are: the latest fashion, the newest technology, the trendiest restaurant, the sexiest look. There is, however, only one place I can know the values that are truly important: the Bible (Psalm 119:9). It takes time invested and mental work to delve into the Bible and deeply understand it, and often I’m quick to trade this in for the relative ease with which I can gain an education in worldly values. I would think my life was lived in vain if, with my God-given talents, I pursued money, status, power, or fame. Are not these things manifestations of the sin which initially cast humanity from fellowship with the Lord (Genesis 3:5,6)? Are not these things all facets of pride? When I take my eye from focusing on the Lord, it’s then I find myself malcontent and creeping towards desperation for the very things I claim to despise. A funny thing about our eyes: we can only focus on one thing at a time.

For my soul to wait in silence for the Lord, I must deeply believe the things I say I believe. If they are only words, my heart will betray me, for it will contradict my words. Hypocritical actions will follow shortly thereafter. My actions / words will not betray what I believe (Matthew 12:34) in my heart.

I have desires in my heart:
to be a Christ-like husband to a Godly wife,
to be a proper father to our children,
to be wise, in action more than my words,
to be a servant in medicine.

If these desires never came to fruition, would my soul wait in silence for the Lord, knowing that my hope comes from Him? I’m ashamed to think of the answer at present, if I were being honest. Lord, have mercy on me.

Unconditional Election

2006-03-27T00:45:00.000-05:00

In salvation, who does the choosing? Man, or God? Is the person who hears the Gospel and rejects it somehow less intelligent than the one who hears it and responds by embracing it? Did the person who rejected the Gospel do so because the Christian presenting it to them forgot to share some vital piece of information with them? Is the one who accepts the Gospel as truth “luckier” because they happened to have a knowledgeable Christian presenting the Gospel to them? This seems like a lot of pressure on a reckless sinner, which we all are, by the way. Maybe it’s the other way around, as I’ve heard from people. Maybe it’s Christians who are less intelligent. Maybe we’re the “unlucky” ones, duped into believing a religion that takes away our opportunity for so much “fun” in life; I mean, what’s not fun about living for “me” all the time? I can’t explain this latter line of thought, though, after seeing numerous brilliant-minded Christians. In every line of work, they can be found. It doesn’t seem logical that these minds, who are reasonable in every other aspect of their lives, would somehow “shut down” this part of their minds when it comes to religion. No, I think the most plausible explanation, and the one Scripture supports most heavily, is that the sovereign Lord does all of the choosing, and man does no original choosing. I’ll explain what I mean by that in a moment. I know how I became a Christian; I chose Christ. I can clearly remember this happening. This is, I think, a normal way to understand it, since it’s how I perceived it, but it’s not entirely biblical because it excludes part of the process. I chose Christ because I desired to do so in my heart. However, I acted on desires the Lord placed in my heart. These desires are unnatural; no, it’s most natural to indulge myself and be greedily hedonistic in my lifestyle. If I chose God based on real desires in my heart, and these desires were not in my heart prior to becoming a Christian, and these desires are unnatural, they must have been placed there by someone. This someone would have to have the ability to conquer the rebellious heart, much like that of Saul, on the road to Damascus (Acts 9). This God would have to have the ability to melt the heart of an atheist who thought Christians were less intelligent, more gullible, and living a foolish lifestyle. Glory and praise be to God in the highest because He saved this wretch in 1999, who firmly believed He didn’t exist (this is “amazing grace”)! This is what I meant when I wrote that man does no original choosing: I didn’t come up with the desire within myself; rather, the Lord was the author of this desire within my dead heart. It seems what separates a believer from a non-believer is not anything inherent in the person, but rather it is the sole decision of God. Certainly, this will lead some people to the conclusion that since God does the choosing, man has no responsibility to do anything. This is fatalistic thinking, without Scriptural foundation. There are a multitude of verses calling men to repentance, to be holy, to cling to what is good. It’s just that the only people who are going to respond are those whose hearts are first changed by the Lord, to have this unnatural desire to seek Him. This is so devastatingly humbling to my heart, and I am left with the realization that I had absolutely NOTHING to do with my salvation. I am saved by the grace of God, through my faith in Him, but even this faith, “MY” faith, is not my own. No, it was placed in my heart by God, and He did this to remove any tendency to boast in my salvation (Ephesians 2:8,9)!

This verse (2 Chronicles 30:6-12) is great because it compares those who choose to obey God with those who don’t, and then it gives the reason for the difference in obedience.

Father, thank You for conquering my rebellious will, shattering my pride, and driving me to my knees in shameful repentance before You. When I hated You most, You reached out and humbled me by showing Your love for me. You kept my heart beating as I placed a crown of thorns on Your brow. You kept me strong, from fatigue, so I could beat you and rip flesh from your back more effectively. You maintained my coordination as I drove nails into your hands and feet. You hung on my cross, wearing my crown of thorns, and I thanked You by spitting in Your face and cursing You. You kept me alive, knowing all along that You would one day redeem me so I could have a proper relationship with You, rescuing me from Your wrath. Why?! My heart cries out for an answer, but it is too great for me. I have no reason why You should choose me, but I am thankful. My life is poured out before You, offering all that I have, which is everything You have given me. I have nothing to give You that is original in me. Thank You for providing me with everything I will ever need to worship You properly. Please forgive me for constantly trying to worship You from self-reliance, and teach me what it means to be humble before You. Because Your love is better, is worth more than my life, I will forever praise You and love You. Please sustain this faith because I am unable to do so apart from You. Teach me. Mold me. Break me. Who I am hates who I have been. Keep me on my knees before You.

End of Life Thoughts - 02

2006-03-26T00:55:00.000-05:00

Well, again I find myself in the position of wanting to write something, yet not being quite sure how to express it in words. I have been thinking off and on about this all day, but few cohesive thoughts have formed about it, at least in a manner that’s conducive to writing. CS has been constantly on my heart and in my prayers since I last wrote about him a couple of days ago. I learned, I think, more about prayer during this time. At times, I found it hard to pray for him. Not because I don’t know him, but because many times I’m not “good at prayer.” I found, with him, as with myself, I didn’t quite know what to pray for. I am eager to pray for the needs of others, and I really do try to, but it’s just I am inept at it (Romans 8:26). I am sure this is the direct result of my rebellious heart and desires being completely opposed to the Holy Lord. I think this is what makes it sometimes very difficult to come to the Father in prayer; because I know what a wretch I am, and I don’t feel like I should be at His feet asking for anything, but this is exactly where I want to be. By His grace alone, I lay at His feet, waiting for anything benevolent He might choose to do on my behalf. The Father is so much more than my feeble mind can imagine, though, because He is always choosing to do benevolent things on my behalf (Romans 8:28, Jeremiah 29:11, Matthew 7:9-11)! And I don’t deserve them! Anyway, when I got to the hospital this morning I decided to go see some of my other patients first, in hopes that I would then be able to spend more time with CS. I guess it was around 10am that I made it down to the CT-ICU, where he was. I looked in his room and saw a patient on a ventilator, but it wasn’t CS. My heart sank a bit. I guess I could’ve asked a nurse if they knew about him, but I couldn’t bring myself to. I didn’t want anyone to tell me what I already knew. I quickly located a computer over in the corner that wasn’t being used, and I logged on to look up my patients. When I checked his name, it said he had died the evening before (March 23). I just sat there looking at the screen, replaying the times I had seen him, replaying the things I had said to him, replaying the prayers I had prayed for him, the tears I had shed for him. Around me, the ICU was abuzz, but time was still, at least where I sat. I don’t know quite what I was feeling inside. Certainly, sadness was there. Joy, that he was at the feet of the Father. Disbelief. Awe, in the sovereignty of God, to take those whom He chooses to take, at the time He chooses to take them. I got up from the computer and retreated from the noise of the ICU to a back hallway that afforded me a little solace, at least for a few minutes. I briefly prayed for his family, and I tried to praise the Lord the best that I could, though I’m sure it sounded forced. I contemplated, what a crazy profession I am a part of. One minute, we’re trying to solve mysteries, treat problems, and save lives; death interrupts our best efforts, but only briefly, then we’re off to the next patient with all the fervor we can muster, as if nothing ever happened. Something about this just seems so wrong, so misdirected. It seems almost like we’re looking directly at the awesome power of God, yet we’re completely blind to it, or by it. The best mental picture I can think of is trying to look at a plane flying in the sky, next to the Sun, and saying, “gosh, it’s hard to see the plane because there’s some kind of bright light in my way.” My focus should be on the power of the Sun, not the plane! Ok, that was a bad analogy; don’t stare at the Sun. I am certainly not advocating that we neglect our responsibility to treat patients; our roles within the hospital, Christian or not, are given by God alone, and we are to carry out these with energy. I guess I just kind of wonder, am I the only one moved by the death of these patients?! Does no one else see the hand of God in this? Do any of them see the awesome power of God, and not tremble? I am so humbled in my heart by my experience in these situations, but I’m also thankful for them. I don’t have to save the world. I try my best to glorify the Lord at my job, by studying, by caring, by pressing forward, but only He can add the necessary “ingredients” to make my endeavors successful. As I sit here, I think of my other patients:

1) Mr. T: We were consulted to see this 86y/o man, who had broken his hip, to assess the likelihood of intra-op and post-op pulmonary complications, should he choose to have surgery. It was late in the afternoon a couple of days ago, when I first saw him, and I had been struggling with CS in my mind all day; I was emotionally drained. I was probably a bit curt with the concerned family, and if I wasn’t openly, I was in my heart. I’m such a wretch. It appeared clear-cut, by all of his medical problems, that if he had the surgery, he would likely not come off the ventilator, but the family was in denial, and was having difficulty coming to terms with end-of-life decisions. I’m normally patient in my heart regarding these conversations, but because I’m a wretch and I’m prone to wander from the God I love, I wasn’t this day. I don’t know if the family even noticed, but I did. This morning, shortly after I found out about the death of CS, I learned Mr. T had died from respiratory failure. I never got to see the family again. I failed to minister to them with patient love; I did not love my neighbor as myself (Romans 13:9).
2) Ms. B: I got an urgent call this afternoon from the vascular surgeons about this patient that was two days post-op from a L femoral – renal venous bypass, who had developed acute abdominal pain. Since they suspected mesenteric ischemia, they decided to take her to angiography to see if there was a clot they could break up. While she was there, she decompensated, and went into respiratory failure, hence the phone call to me. She was intubated and placed on a ventilator. After we got her back to the ICU, surgery came and decided they needed to emergently take her to surgery to explore her belly for dead bowel. This is a high-risk procedure, with very high intra-op mortality, but without it, the patient surely dies from sepsis.

Again, I’m amazed at the frailty of life in all situations, even though it is most clearly demonstrated in these medical situations. There is such a fine line between the “apparently healthy” people and those who are sick, barely clinging to life. Most of us never even see it, or realize it; we kind of walk along, happily convinced of our invincibility. In truth, it’s only the restraining hand of God that prevents us from death. Another thing I’m amazed at is my crappy attitude in so many situations. Do I work at my job in such a way that honestly is worship to the Lord? I can get all excited about spending time with the Lord, and praying with a patient, or a family; yet, I walk out of the room, and my heart has already started to wander, my faith has started to wane, and my thoughts are sinful. Is this ministry pleasing to the Lord? It’s the best I have to offer, which is nothing before Him; but I weakly hold up my heart to Him, not because I think He should take it and use it, but because I hope He will take it and use it for His glory. It is my prayer that I would walk worthy of the life to which I have been called (Ephesians 4:1-3; thanks Diana), with the humility, gentleness, and patience my weak condition mandates.

The Cry of a Convicted Sinner
Thou righteous and Holy Sovereign,
In whose hand is my life and whose are all my ways,
Keep me from fluttering about religion;
fix me firm in it,
for I am irresolute;
my decisions are smoke and vapor,
and I do not glorify thee,
or behave according to thy will;
Cut me not off before my thoughts grow to responses,
and the budding of my soul into full flower,
for thou art forbearing and good,
patient and kind.
Save me from myself,
from the artifices and deceits of sin,
from the treachery of my perverse nature,
from denying thy charge against my offenses,
from a life of continual rebellion against thee,
from wrong principles, views, and ends;
for I know that all my thoughts, affections, desires and pursuits are alienated from thee.
I have acted as if I hated thee, although thou art love itself;
have contrived to tempt thee to the uttermost, to wear out thy patience;
have lived evilly in word and action.
Had I been a prince, I would long ago have crushed such a rebel;
Had I been a father, I would long since have rejected my child.
O, thou Father of my spirit, thou King of my life,
cast me not into destruction,
drive me not from thy presence,
but wound my heart that it may be healed;
break it that thine own hand may make it whole.

Colossians 1v24

2006-03-25T19:40:00.000-05:00

Colossians 1:24

“Now I rejoice in my sufferings for your sake, and in my flesh I am filling up what is lacking in Christ’s afflictions for the sake of his body, that is, the church,…”

At first read, this appears to say that Paul somehow completes the works accomplished by the afflictions of Christ. Surely, there is nothing any person can do to contribute to the salvation of the elect, by the Lord. Hanging on the cross, would the Lord Jesus have announced, “it is finished,” were this not the case?

Filling up (#466) – antanaplērŏō “to supplement,” or “fill up”

Lacking (#5303) – hustĕrēma “deficit,” or “poverty”

I don’t think there is a great need to go into the meaning of these words at length, mainly because the meanings of them don’t really shed any new light on the verse. These words mean exactly what they appear to mean. Interestingly, the Greek text, though it reads a bit awkwardly, I think, sheds some light on what this verse might be trying to say.

From the Greek translation of the NT: v.24
“Now I rejoice in the sufferings on behalf of you and I fill up the lacks of the afflictions of the Christ in the flesh of me on behalf of the body of him, who is the assembly…”

Christ’s afflictions aren’t what is lacking! What is lacking is my partaking, as a believer, in those afflictions. When I become a believer, my flesh is “empty” in regards to the sufferings for Christ. As I am slowly sanctified throughout my life, however, my flesh becomes “filled” with the sufferings I’ve endured for the sake of Christ. The only thing lacking in any of this is my suffering on behalf of Christ. As I’ve previously written about, suffering is a part of being a Christian (Philippians 1:29,30; Acts 5:40,41; Romans 8:17; 1 Thessalonians 3:2-4; 1 Peter 2:20; 3:14-17; 1 Peter 4:19; Revelation 2:10). If I’m not suffering sometimes for the sake of Christ, I am no Christian. Suffering comes at the hands of the world, when I oppose their views/values. If I’m never opposing these things, I’m no friend of Christ (1 John 2:15,16)!

Grace in Trials

Father of mercies,
Hear me for Jesus’ sake.
I am sinful even in my closest walk with thee;
it is of thy mercy I died not long ago;
Thy grace has given me faith in the cross
by which thou hast reconciled thyself to me and me to thee,
drawing me by thy great love,
reckoning me as innocent in Christ though guilty in myself.
Giver of all graces,
I look to thee for strength to maintain them in me,
for it is hard to practice what I believe.
Strengthen me against temptations.
My heart is an unexhausted fountain of sin,
a river of corruption since childhood days,
flowing on in every pattern of behavior;
Thou hast disarmed me of the means in which I trusted,
and I have no strength but in thee.
Thou alone canst hold back my evil ways,
but without thy grace to sustain me I fall.
Satan’s darts quickly inflame me,
and the shield that should quench them easily drops from my hand:
Empower me against his wiles and assaults.
Keep me sensible of my weakness,
and of my dependence upon thy strength.
Let every trial teach me more of thy peace, more of thy love.
Thy Holy Spirit is given to increase thy graces,
and I cannot preserve or improve them unless he works continually in me.
May he confirm my trust in thy promised help,
and let me walk humbly in dependence upon thee, for Jesus’ sake.

Colossians 1v15

2006-03-23T19:30:00.000-05:00

Colossians 1:15 prōtŏtŏkŏs
ESV, NASB, NKJV, KJV – “firstborn”
NLT – “He existed before God made anything at all and is supreme over all creation.”

This verse, at first glance, seems to say that Christ was born, or created from God, however I know this interpretation is directly refuted in multiple places throughout Scripture, even in the very next verse [John 1:1-4, Colossians 1:16]. What, then, does firstborn mean? In the 9 times it is used in the NT and the 117 times the Hebrew word, bekôwr, is used in the OT, it is used to describe someone as being the chronologically first-born of someone; it is alternatively used to refer to the preeminence of one within a family. This firstborn enjoyed the greatest of the family’s blessings, and the bloodline was traced through this firstborn. When compared with what Scripture clearly teaches about the eternal, uncreated nature of Christ, it seems the NLT more directly states this in a way easily understood. What a danger it would be to think of Christ as a created being, no different, essentially from any of the angels!

It's amazing how the Lord directs my time spent in His Word. When I started to read this evening, I actually intended to study and reflect more on Colossians 2:14 because it is such a powerful verse. However, I never made it that far because of this verse. The Lord taught me how wonderful it is that Christ is the firstborn of all creation. He was present in the beginning (not created); He was with God; He was and is God; for Him, from Him, and through Him are all things; He rules creation at the right hand of God. There truly is none like Him.

If Christ were a created being (as some errantly advocate, in direct opposition to Scripture), born just like the rest of us, but living a perfect life, capable of atoning for the sins of His elect, why would there not have been anyone else in history to live amongst the wicked, yet be without sin? It would seem logical that if one created being did it, maybe another should have been able to. Not really a part of the rest of my study, but just a thought I was entertaining.

God Honored
Praise waiteth for thee, and to render it is my noblest exercise;
This is thy due from all thy creatures, for all thy works display thy
attributes and fulfill thy designs;
The sea, dry land, winter cold, summer heat, morning light, evening shade
are full of thee, and thou givest me them richly to enjoy.
Thou art King of kings and Lord of lords;
At thy pleasure empires rise and fall;
All thy works praise thee and thy saints bless thee;
Let me be numbered with thy holy ones, resemble them in character and
condition, sit with them at Jesus' feet.
May my religion be always firmly rooted in thy Word,
my understanding divinely informed
my affections holy and heavenly,
my motives simple and pure,
and my heart never wrong with thee.
Deliver me from the natural darkness of my own mind,
from the corruptions of my heart,
from the temptations to which I am exposed,
from the daily snares that attend me.
I am in constant danger while I am in this life;
Let thy watchful eye ever be upon me for my defense,
Save me from the power of my worldly and spiritual enemies and from all
painful evils to which I have exposed myself.
Until the day of life dawns above let there be unrestrained fellowship with
Jesus;
Until fruition comes, may I enjoy the earnest of my inheritance and the
firstfruits of the Spirit;
Until I finish my course with joy may I pursue it with diligence, in every
part display the resources of the Christian, and adorn the doctrine of thee
my God in all things.

End of Life Thoughts

2006-03-21T19:28:00.000-05:00

I’m not quite sure of what I want to say here, but I felt like something should be written, so here I am. I am unable to think of an appropriate word that conveys what I feel when I tell one of my patients they are expected to die. I think the word that probably comes closest in my mind, right now, is hurt. It hurts me to do this. It makes my heart hurt. I have struggled/am struggling through emotionally tough times within my own family, but there’s something different when you share a moment that intimate with someone you hardly know. The pain is different, but still very real. Prior to ever having done this, I thought it would be easier, since they were strangers…I could kind of emotionally disconnect myself from the situation. Well, it’s not easier, and I’m not able to emotionally disconnect any part of me from the situation.

CS is a 70 y/o man who was admitted about 3 weeks ago for shortness of breath that had itself been increasing for a couple of weeks previous to that. We were consulted for a bronchoscopy / biopsy of a lesion discovered on CT scan. The biopsy came back adenocarcinoma of the lung, with a tumor that was mostly obstructing one of the apical bronchioles in the left lung. Of the people who have this type of cancer, 99% are smokers….well, CS has never smoked in his entire life. He had always been around smokers, though. This was a new diagnosis, so we went to tell him that he had lung cancer, that it was partially obstructing, and that if he was agreeable, he needed to start chemo/radiation. Over the past couple of weeks since the diagnosis (he’s been in the hospital the entire time), his oxygen requirements have progressively increased, without expected increases in his pO2, the amount of oxygen actually in the blood. CS was transferred to the ICU, and we were again asked to perform a bronchoscopy because mucous plugging was the suspected culprit that had caused this rather acute decline in respiratory status, even since admission. Because of his increased oxygen requirements, we needed to intubate CS in order to safely perform the bronchoscopy. After much thought and what must have been difficult contemplation on his part, CS agreed, with the understanding that after the procedure we had 72hrs to get him off the ventilator and the breathing tube out of him. He didn’t want to be on a ventilator, and after 72hrs, he wants us to extubate him and just make him comfortable until he dies, which appears imminent, considering how much oxygen he’s requiring. Well, 72hrs is around lunchtime Wednesday, 03/22/06. I went to see CS this morning, to try to figure out why he’s still needing so much oxygen, and what makes it even more difficult is that he’s awake. He’s just laying there in bed with his eyes open, tracking me, watching me, and listening to me. He shakes his head, when appropriate; he’s “all there,” but just has a breathing tube in his throat, and we can’t safely remove it. It was cold and rainy outside. I could hear the soft pitter patter of the rain on the window. It was dim in the room, since I hadn’t turned on the light. I remember there was a lot of silence; it surprised me how quiet it was, despite being in the ICU; maybe it just felt that way. I normally like to talk, but not this morning. I didn’t feel comfortable saying anything. My heart hurt for this man. He made hand signals to me and mouthed that we had one day remaining, then he wanted the tube out. He knows what he’s asking…he knows he will likely not survive long after the extubation. I asked him if he knew the Lord, and he shook his head yes. I tried to encourage him the best I could with Scripture, challenging him to “rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer [Romans 12:12].” It’s so different, or at least it feels that way, when you’re there, actually having to cling to Scripture because that’s all you have in the situation. How many times have I read Scripture in a manner so far below the faith it demands of me? This man needed the promises of the Lord to be true, and I needed them to be true for him. I asked him if I could pray for him. CS shook his head, “yes.” I leaned over his bed, and prayed as honestly and as humbly as I was able for him, though I’m sure my words must have sounded contrite. I was struggling not to cry too much, and I kept it to a few tears here and there. At least I wasn’t dripping tears and boogers all over this man. At the end of the prayer, CS could see that I was tearing a bit, and he lifted his hand up to my face, patted me a couple of times on the cheek and mouthed the words, “thank you” around the breathing tube. I didn’t want to leave. I just stayed leaning over his bed, in silence, looking out the window and listening to the rain. I am learning a lot about faith, humanity, and the Lord, through medicine; I am not worthy to be where I am, but I am thankful for the opportunity to try to encourage & comfort patients and their families the best that I’m able, given my emotional weakness.

Philippians 2v12-13

2006-03-19T19:18:00.000-05:00

Philippians 2:12
“…work out your own salvation with fear and trembling,...”

work (# 2716) κατεργάζομαι [katĕgazŏmai] x22
x01: committed
x05: do / does / doing
x02: bring(s)
x07: produce(s)(d)
x01: actions
x04: has accomplished / has done / has prepared / is preparing
x01: having done
x01: were performed

Work thoroughly; to finish / fashion.
This word usually means to do something from which something else results. To toil in achievement.

salvation (# 4991) σωτηρίαν [sōtēria] x46
x37: salvation
x05: save(d)
x01: savior
x01: rescuing
x01: survive
x01: deliverance

In all of these instances, soteria is used to denote rescue, or salvation, from a danger, whether it is physical or spiritual. This danger is indeed real, and soteria is intended to mean a real rescue from it.

fear (# 5401) φόβον [phŏbŏs] x47
x34: fear
x04: awe / awestruck
x03: reverence
x02: terrified, respect
x01: alarm, deference

From the primary word “phĕbŏmai” (to be put in fear); alarm or fright. Phŏbŏs has the meaning of flight, caused by being scared.
(1) Fear, dread, terror: this is its meaning when used in the Gospels.
(2) Reverential fear: as a controlling motive of one’s life. This is not a mere fear of His wrath, but a complete dread of displeasing Him.

trembling (# 5156) τρόμον [trŏmŏs] x5
x04: trembling
x01: terror

Tromos, used in Scripture, is used to describe the anxiety of one who distrusts his ability completely to meet all requirements in a task, but strives to fulfill his duty regardless.

Philippians 2:13
“for it is God who works in you, both to will and to work for his good pleasure.”

work (# 1754) ενεργεω [ĕnĕrgĕō] x20
x09: are (were)(is) at work
x02: activate(s)(d)
x01: experience
x05: work(ed)(ing)
x01: accomplishes
x01: powerfully
x01: effective

This word, energeo, is used of: 1)God, 2)the Holy Spirit, 3)the Word of God, 4)supernatural power, 5) faith, 6)example of patience and suffering, 7)physical death and spiritual life 8)sinful passions, 9)the spirit of the Evil One, 10)mystery of iniquity. This word implies that something is actually getting accomplished, unlike work (katĕgazŏmai, #2716), which emphasizes only the striving toward a goal, without necessarily achieving the desired result.

What these two verses (Philippians 2:12,13) are saying, I think, congruently with what Scripture teaches elsewhere, is this: strive (Hebrews 12:1) in the things that are necessary to inherit the Kingdom of God (Matthew 6:33), but understand that it is God, not man (Romans 7:18-23), who actually effects the good works that are becoming (Colossians 1:10) of one who is a child of the King, and which are necessary to escape the wrath of God (Romans 5:9). The fear and trembling comes not from fear of punishment (1 John 4:18), but rather from the knowledge that it is God who effectually works His will in us, despite who we are.

Fear and trembling are natural in me, I think, when I clearly see who God is (Revelation 1:17,18). What would it be like to lay at the feet of the Lord? To see the face of the King? I shudder to think that I will do this someday! What a joyful, terrifying day that will be! “Then I turned to see the voice that was speaking to me, and on turning I saw seven golden lampstands, and in the midst of the lampstands one like a son of man, clothed with a long robe and a golden sash around his chest. The hairs of his head were white like wool, as white as snow. His eyes were like a furnace, and his voice was like the roar of many waters. In his right hand he held seven stars, from his mouth came a sharp two-edged sword, and his face was like the sun shining in full strength.” (Revelation 1:12-17). Do I really merit being able to see Him? No! Enter fear and trembling: … looking in awe at the One, realizing it is Him, alone, who has the power over the souls of men.

Praise God that Your ways are higher than mine, that Your power is unsurpassed, that You righteousness is perfect, that Your love is beyond measure, that Your grace is deeper than my sins. I am humbled when I consider Your creation; that You troubled Yourself to take the form of man, in order to purchase my life from Your just wrath, and not just my life, but the lives of Your elect. I will not fully understand, this side of eternity, the depth of Your love or the sacrifice You gave so I could know You, but I will humble myself before You, only by Your grace and power, that I would enjoy the sufficiency of Your Son. Reward my strivings with more of You.

Ephesians 5v21-33

2006-03-14T19:20:00.000-05:00

O Father,
Please forgive me for my many sins. I shudder when I think back through my day’s sins: the missed opportunities to show Your love to another; the times my thoughts dwell on things they ought not; elevation of myself at the expense of demonstrating Your glory and sufficiency in my life; the times I charge forward into sin, recklessly handling the grace that was so costly for You to provide me; the many times I respond to Your commandments with a defiant, “No”, instead trusting myself to carry out a plan. I wish I could say that I shudder because I’m that righteous, but that’s not why I shudder. I shudder because I’m amazed at how patient You are with me. I’m thankful Your ways are higher than mine, and that Your thoughts are higher than mine (Isaiah 55:9). I would surely have perished in Your wrath were You any less. Please have mercy on my soul, for my sins are many, and my weakness is too much to bear at times. Please elevate Your name through me at the expense of my reputation, my ego, my “fame.” I know that I must decrease in order for Your name to rightly increase (John 3:30); I beg You to make this come to pass. You are worthy of all my praise, not only because You created everything that my eyes see to glorify Your name, but also because You purchased me with the costly blood of Your Son, of which there is nothing more precious. Please make this sink into my thick head. Thank You for being perfectly righteous in Your perfect love, grace, mercy, faithfulness, commandments, judgments, and wrath. Thank You for rescuing my heart and soul to a better inheritance (Hebrews 12:28,29), when I was unable to make this decision (John 6:44; 1 Corinthians 2:14) because of the deadness of my sinful character. For the elevation of Your Son’s name, I ask these things as humbly as I am able.

I have been reading through Ephesians the past several nights, and I hit a snag tonight as I was reading. I actually came across it last night, but it was too late to dive into then. I have read this passage many times, and I don’t claim to understand it exactly, but I do know that it’s in the Word of God, therefore I have the responsibility to try to understand and apply it in my life. The specific Ephesians reference is: Ephesians 5:21-33; there are other verses in the Bible that re-iterate this point, but I just want to try to begin to understand this one for now, Lord willing. It’s so difficult even for my mind to grasp, because I recognize the incredible potential in the hearts of mankind to distort this design, and indeed many have; the uninformed will call Christianity a religion of bigots, of male domination, etc. Certainly there must be something more; surely the Lord of the universe wrote exactly what He meant to say in Ephesians and in other “difficult” passages in the Bible. I must think that my explanation, however well intended, will miss something; I believe there is still a huge component of the roles of marriage, as they were intended by God, that remains veiled because of my sin.

The most important, encompassing theme of this entire passage is the mystery of marriage revealed in v. 32. Marriage is intended to be a metaphor/parallel for the relationship between Christ and the Church. Marriage is intended not only to be an institution for our enjoyment, but it is also intended to teach men and women how to subject themselves to Christ and to each other out of reverence for Christ (v.21). Beginning in v.28, the passage relates the husband loving his wife as being the same thing as the husband loving himself. Because the man and woman have joined, becoming one flesh (v.31; Genesis 2:24), loving your spouse is the same thing, in the eyes of the Lord, as loving yourself. Husbands are called to love their wives “as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” Christ lived a life of complete sacrifice (Philippians 2:5-11); is there any way to love more than this? John 15:13 clearly answers this question with an emphatic, “No!”

Society’s massive efforts to “reshape” (pervert) marriage roles are not done cautiously. In fact, the marriage roles shift only with the consequence of obscuring the Lord’s original design in marriage, to glorify Himself. This is the end of all that He does. The original roles of husband and wife are rooted in the distinct roles of Christ and His Church. This is clearly seen in v.23-25. Wives are to find their distinctive role in marriage by keying off the way the Church relates to Christ (v.24). Husbands are to find their distinctive role in marriage by keying off the way Christ relates to the Church (v. 23, 25). All throughout Scripture, it would seem that the same verse read by husband and wife could be understood from a slightly different perspective because of their different given marriage roles. What an incredible learning opportunity for both husband and wife as they share and understand the Word together!

The unfortunate consequence of man’s sinful fall is the perversion of marriage roles, not because it brought headship and submission into existence, but rather because it twisted man’s humble, loving leadership into hostile domination in some, and lazy indifference in others. In women, it twisted their will, intelligent submission in to a manipulative, cringing submission in some, and open insubordination in others. Headship and submission were already present in the initial design for marriage; sin distorted these themes, as it does everything it (sin) touches.

These Scripture verses guard against husbands abusing their charge in marriage by telling them to love like Jesus loved the Church, and it does the same thing to the charge of wives by telling them to respond the way the Church responds to Christ.

Headship: the divine calling of a husband to take primary responsibility for Christ-like, servant leadership, protection and provision in the home.

Submission: the divine calling of a wife to honor and affirm her husband’s leadership and help carry it through according to her gifts.

While the husband and wife are both submitting themselves to each other (Ephesians 5:21), this does not have to be in the exact same way, and in fact it is not in the same way. Christ submitted himself to the Church in a way that cost Him His life. The Church submits to Christ in quite another way, honoring His leadership and following Him.

Luke 22:26 calls for the leader to be as one who serves. This protects against the free-license for power abuse in marriage. There is no way to get around this verse and distort what has been written. All leadership by the husband is intended to be in the form of serving. This parallels Christ exactly!

Submission by the wife is not intended to elevate the husband to the place of Christ. Submission does not mean the wife surrenders her thoughts to the husband, nor does it mean the wife has no input into decision-making. Again, we must be reminded of the parallel between Christ and the Church.

I don’t know if this is any clearer, and I’m certain this will be something that I will continually have to review and pray over, lest I abuse my role, if the Lord wills that I marry. I know that I’m not called to shy away from “difficult” passages of Scripture, but only to pray that the Spirit reveal to me what Truth is in what I’m reading. I know that I cannot understand spiritual things (1 Corinthians 2:14) unless the Holy Spirit reveals them to my heart. I pray that happens.